Step 9 of A A.: Making Amends

The strengths of individuals, families and communities are foundational to recovery. My name is Kyle, and I have been a blessed recipient of [a] sober living scholarship program from Living Amends. It’s hard to find the right response to someone making amends. You likely have a lot of emotions surrounding the situation. That’s normal, and you don’t have to respond right away. You may have a list of people you want to make amends to personally.

• Step 9 is about meeting with those people to actively redress the wrongs.
• Providing evidence-based treatment for mental health conditions, addiction, trauma/PTSD, and co-occurring disorders on a serene 90-acre property.
• Then, the next time around, make sure to make good on your word.
• Talk with your sponsor about setting up a timeframe for financial amends.

Steps for Making Living Amends

We strengthen and reinforce healthy recovery whenever we do our part to repair relationships or reach out to others with support and understanding. Living amends can help you rid yourself of the pain of guilt and the need to constantly say “I’m sorry” to the people you’ve wronged in your life. When a person has died, you can still make amends for your actions.

Don’t settle for an apology.

As the holiday season is underway, now can be a good time to make intentional choices to make amends with the people who matter most in your life. State how you are taking personal responsibility for the hurt you’ve caused. Making amends means apologizing but also goes one step further—doing everything in your power to repair the damage, restore the relationship, and/or, replace what you took. If you’re writing a letter, whether sending or sharing it in person, spend some time reflecting on and sharing the actions you’re taking to redress the wrong(s) done.

Addiction and Mental Health Resources

Whether it was apologizing for being late for work, missing an event, misusing property or stealing money to support an addiction, expressing remorse was likely a daily occurrence. The guilt may have been real, but the apology didn’t come with lasting change. But, as difficult as it is, living amends completing this step can provide an immense sense of relief and newfound hope for the future. At the heart of this step is the need for forgiveness and restoration—forgiving yourself, forgiving others, and making amends. In Twelve Step recovery, your pace is your own to determine.

• The origin of living amends in modern use relates to addiction recovery and substance abuse treatment.
• For example, if you had an affair for three years during active addiction, visiting your ex to fess up and say you’re sorry isn’t going to help them; it’s going to hurt them.
• If money is tight, discuss with your sponsor other possible methods of compensation and how to better manage your finances in recovery.
• The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you.
• Many people find that the support they receive from AA meetings helps them prepare to make amends.

He is the medical director at Alcohol Recovery Medicine. For over 20 years Dr. Umhau was a senior clinical investigator at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism of the National Institutes of Health (NIH). We do not receive any commission or fee that is dependent upon which treatment provider a caller chooses.

I’m In Recovery

• We cannot give you customized advice on your situation or needs, which would require the service of an actual attorney.
• It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief.
• Step eight says “Made a list of all the people we have harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.” You cannot work the 9th step effectively without doing step eight first.
• We come to understand that we are good people with a bad disease.
• If so, then you should avoid approaching that individual.
• Living amends is a concept linked to addiction recovery and part of the twelve-step program for sober living.